Screwed.edu
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
