Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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