You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
