everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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