So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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