My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
