Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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