He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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