Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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