No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
