Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
