Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
