if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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