drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
