My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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