Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
