I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
