you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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