Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize