How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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