last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
