so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
