he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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