yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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