tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
