Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
