Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
