Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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