you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ketchup is God's man juice
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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