You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
