Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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