forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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