The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
