why didn't you poke me back
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
