His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
