On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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