Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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