all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize