why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
