I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
