i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
