just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
