dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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