dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
