so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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