I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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