Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize