i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
