dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
