I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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