Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
