My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
