i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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