It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
