thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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