I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We had to coat check the pizza.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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