Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
