But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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