WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
