I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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