the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize