I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
