they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
