Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
