He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
