Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
