The maid of honor just puked.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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