so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
