i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
