So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
