If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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