so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
